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  1. MM

    So my MM came to see me. It was great to see him. He was a bit shocked to see me . Seems laying down most of the time and the treatments wear on how I look.
    He was glad that my counts were up so that maybe next weekend I could get out of here for the weekend. What scares me is he has that falling in love with me look. So, I brought it up . " you can't fall in love with me we've only know each other 3 weeks . I have a spouse you have a spouse. I am still in love with jack-wagon . So then ...
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  2. Sleep

    Iíve always had insomnia however this hospital stay has brought it to a new level. I take cat naps. Which is kinda weird Iím not a big fan of cats . I had one once and that cat slept most of the day and night. Iím doing neither . I have dogs . They sleep when I sleep , which is usually between midnight and 4 or 5 am . So I went to sleep around 10 ish and the nurse came in around 11ish so Iím awake . I ask if these are any tests ordered for the rest of her shift she said no , and gave me something ...
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  3. visit

    My youngest son came to see me today. He has always had the most tender heart . I could hear him before I saw him . The nurse was trying to let him know I might look a little different than when he saw me last , He said Ms.nurse I've seen my momma in all kinds of not good places in all kinds of hospitals , I think I got this .He tried not to looked shocked ,he did his best to hold his tears. He just grabbed me and started to cry . I just held him while he cried . When he was finished he asked wtf ...
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  4. Fear

    I have not really been afraid of much . Just normal things like K having ovarian cancer . Normal mother fears for her children . Normal grandmother fears . Fears I would never find that true love . Never feeling loved by a man again. I have my guys who love me and my male friends who love me . I talking that spark when he touches you , that kiss you can feel for days , the way he says your name, that hug you melt into . Those things I fear I will never get to feel again . MM is a great man, but ...
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  5. Day 2

    I donít think they ever sleep here . Iíve had more tests since midnight than I have ever had in the daylight . My g boy told me to watch out for zombies. Great ! No clue on what a zombie looks like . My oldest g girl told me to do something with my wild hair . Oldest g boy just had big tears running down his face , they told him why Iím here . I told him Iíd be home soon and we would play . He said
    ď no, you promise me you wonít die because you never break a promise... so you say it ď. I ...
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