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  1. Sleep

    Iíve always had insomnia however this hospital stay has brought it to a new level. I take cat naps. Which is kinda weird Iím not a big fan of cats . I had one once and that cat slept most of the day and night. Iím doing neither . I have dogs . They sleep when I sleep , which is usually between midnight and 4 or 5 am . So I went to sleep around 10 ish and the nurse came in around 11ish so Iím awake . I ask if these are any tests ordered for the rest of her shift she said no , and gave me something ...
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  2. visit

    My youngest son came to see me today. He has always had the most tender heart . I could hear him before I saw him . The nurse was trying to let him know I might look a little different than when he saw me last , He said Ms.nurse I've seen my momma in all kinds of not good places in all kinds of hospitals , I think I got this .He tried not to looked shocked ,he did his best to hold his tears. He just grabbed me and started to cry . I just held him while he cried . When he was finished he asked wtf ...
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  3. Fear

    I have not really been afraid of much . Just normal things like K having ovarian cancer . Normal mother fears for her children . Normal grandmother fears . Fears I would never find that true love . Never feeling loved by a man again. I have my guys who love me and my male friends who love me . I talking that spark when he touches you , that kiss you can feel for days , the way he says your name, that hug you melt into . Those things I fear I will never get to feel again . MM is a great man, but ...
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  4. Day 2

    I donít think they ever sleep here . Iíve had more tests since midnight than I have ever had in the daylight . My g boy told me to watch out for zombies. Great ! No clue on what a zombie looks like . My oldest g girl told me to do something with my wild hair . Oldest g boy just had big tears running down his face , they told him why Iím here . I told him Iíd be home soon and we would play . He said
    ď no, you promise me you wonít die because you never break a promise... so you say it ď. I ...
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  5. I want to go home

    I want to just go home . I donít want to do this anymore. This is just the first day . There is not a place on my body that doesnít hurt . However, I can swallow a tube down my nose and into my stomach. It only took 3 tries . I can also stand the bleeding test where the cut you with this thing and see how long you bleed for . I can sleep 10 minutes at a time . I can get cleaned up enough not to scare my g babies to FaceTime. They did look a bit afraid . Oldest g girl told me I had wild hair and ...
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