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  1. What If

    What if I never stop longing for him
    What if I don't go in remission
    What if my committee doesn't accept my dissertation
    What if I can't love him like he deserves
    What if I really don't like my new house
    What if I can't ever stop dreaming about him
    What if I get to a point and say this is enough
    What if I want that new puppy
    What if my g-babies need me right this moment
    What if I can't ever train any more
    What if I can't ...
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  2. Integrity

    Integrity means doing the right thing even if nobody is looking. Right now I question mine when it comes to MM. he is still sleeping I think he must have stayed awake all night making sure I was ok . I know he loves me, I知 not there yet . I知 not sure if I値l get to that kind of love . I知 thinking if I should just tell him goodbye. I知 not sure how this love thing works right now . I certainly don稚 want to hurt him . I don稚 think I have much integrity.KO
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  3. K

    I had a FaceTime call with my daughter K . Her team of oncologist are getting ready to put her on maintenance phase . She thinks the end of May . I won稚 be there to attend , however her older sister and one of her Uncles will be there . If it works out time wise I値l get to conference call with them . Lots of people are praying for her prayers are being answered . If you read my blog K could use some prayers. God is good all the time ! KO
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  4. A Bit Much

    I don稚 want to say this has been the hardest week yet. It seems when I say that the next one is worse . This has just been a very uncomfortable week .i will be here 2 more weeks . I did get to go to my hotel for the weekend. MM had it all ready for me with everything I need and everything I might want . He is the most considerate man I know . Very nice on the eyes too ! KO
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  5. Alone

    I am here in one of my least favorite cities in the U,S. Tulsa. I got checked into my hotel ok , the party starts tomorrow . They will have all the scans, blood reports anything else they could want they have . I choose to come alone . I have had plenty of people ask to go with me . I just wanted this time alone to reflect on all of my choices. One was when my son was about 15 years old and wanted these 50 wrestling shoes , and I told him the ones he had were still good. Or a time one of my daughters ...
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