bite me, it's a rant!It's rude too so don't read if you're easily offended
by, 03-17-2016 at 12:03 PM (572 Views)
I recently had a discussion with a man about fellatio vs cunnilingus. As a general rule, my opinion on cunnilingus is.... if you want to eat it, tuck in, but I wonít shame you if youíd rather not, there are many ways to pleasure a woman. However, what I DO object to is the implication that itís far more onerous to ask someone to give cunnilingus than it is to ask for a blow job. The twit said:ďThe ***** is a simple thing Ė itís hard to get things completely wrong.Ē
ARE YOU ****TING ME, SUNSHINE?
Sucking **** ainít easy...
How do you? Well, you put it in your mouth and you suck it, moving your head back and forth a bit, using your lips and tongue to stimulate it, blah blah blah.
But thatís just the start.
Hard or soft?
Wet and sloppy? Tight?
Do you use your hands as well?
Look up at the person youíre doing it to?
Do you take it right to the back of your throat?
How do you interpret the noises theyíre making?
When do you know when to speed up or slow down?
Is it OK to rub your jeans-clad crotch against their foot so you get a bit of stimulation while youíre doing it?
How and when are you going to BREATHE?
And a million more questions....
There are some subjects that I donít get ranty about because Iím not sure my life experience is sufficient for my opinions to hold weight. But Iíve sucked my fair share, I have done it hard, fast, slow, gentle, wet, throat-y: all the different types. Therefore I am MORE THAN qualified to say that it is not an easy thing to do. It is not simple. No two are the same, and even with the same ****, no two bjs will ever be the same. That is one of many reasons why I love it so. You donít go to town on someoneís **** thinking itís a walk in the park. If you do, you are probably very bad at it.
Perhaps the reason this gentleman thinks that itís easy to suck a **** or two is because he has a ****, and he knows fairly well what will please it. Maybe itís because his lovers have taken the time and effort , rather than lapping half-heartedly at it wondering when they can get a note to say they donít have to, as he has so clearly done.
He also had the audacity to blurt ďwomen are absurdly demanding when it comes to oral sexÖ each woman has her own unique way of receiving and appreciating oral sex, as well as very specific requests.Ē No **** Shakespeare.
Whatever the reason, heís clearly under the mistaken impression that sucking **** is easy, and that all ****s want to be sucked the same way. Itís hard. Itís a challenge. It makes your neck hurt if youíre doing it at the wrong angle. All I can say is that I know Ė with the passion of a true enthusiast Ė that itís way more complicated than you think. Telling me that all blow jobs are Ďsimpleí is like telling a trainspotter that thereís only one type of engine. Gentle, fast, hard, deep, shallow, teasing, edging, sloppy, just-the-tip, hands, no-hands, collared-to-the-bedposts-so-you-choke-it-down-like-gruelÖ there are HUNDREDS of different types of blow jobs..there are some blow jobs where youíre building a perfect rhythm, with just the right suction and sloppiness, and you have to choke your way through a few breaths so you can get them to the ending they desire. Sometimes you know you need to change speed because your throat is full and your eyes are watering and you need to switch up in just the right way that you increase their high rather than kill it. A good blow job is art. Itís like playing jazz piano blindfolded for an audience youíre desperate to please. Itís improvisation and communication and skill and practice.
Tell me itís fun. Tell me itís a challenge. Tell me how you like it when your **** hits the back of my throat. All these things and more, please tell me: in exquisite and horny detail. But donít EVER tell me that sucking **** is easy.
Nothing in life is easy if you want to do it well..