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Thread: Monogamy

  1. #11
    Succubus Wiggily Tulip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Caveman View Post


    I go back and forth on what commitment means (the real crux of the matter). Is it a life-long commitment to the relationship, to being with only that person? What does it mean to break the commitment, the covenant you have made with another? Is it broken the first time a lie is told? Is it broken the first time we look at another and long for them? Is it broken when one or the other in the relationship no longer lives up to their part? Is it broken when the other says, "Hey, I don't love you, I'll live with you, suck you dry, take all I can get for the sake of the kids?" Is it broken when they look at you and say (as was said to me), "I don't love you and making love to you makes me feel like a whore." ? Always wished my come back would have been, "But you're not a whore just taking my money, time and effort to pay off your debt, raise your kids, and provide a good living for you to sit on your lazy ass all day?"

    Many things can 'adulterate' a marriage. It doesn't have to be physical unfaithfulness.

    I'm not bitter ....
    I completely agree. If you are monogamous and the one you are monogamous decides to be celibate, or medical issues FORCE that to happen there are decisions that you have to make & you have to do what you need to do. Sometimes just leaving isn't as simple as it sounds when you have built an entire life wit someone and families are involved or one spouse is a caretaker. Or, as in your case, they just refuse to give what I think is a basic NEED in a marriage. (I guess she wasn't into the whole Hooker role play thing, huh? LOL. Her loss. that can be fun.)

    I don't think a commitment is broken the moment you look at another with longing. I think that's going to happen to everyone. I do think, many relationships have their own set of rules and only the two people involved know the understanding.

    But even healthy relationships...where you still love each other and HAVE a decent (if not earth shattering) sex life......do you think that we should give each other freedom to explore with others if certain rules are followed?

  2. #12
    Flirting Devil alex1's Avatar
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    Katy you talk good...interesting and penetrating....thank you.....But the proverbial but....I know that there are monogamous people.....
    THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR CONFIDENCE


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    Succubus Wiggily Tulip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katydid View Post


    This would fall into the category of serial monogamy. What is interesting about this is that although there seems to be a proliferation of younger members at the other site I go to, I would imagine the mean average is around 40-45. Also, many of the members have children already.

    I am divorced. My ex-husband is 12 years older than me. Since my divorce however, the men I am interested in are mostly younger than me. And, the age seems to keep dropping which is beginning to frighten me. Anyway, that is who I am attracted to primarily.

    So with your theory, perhaps there is a certain "type" you marry to mate with. And then another "type" you marry after that relationship is over with. Married only in the sense of a commitment made between two people.

    And, Wiggily, I believe in Mexico City they are considering creating a law where marriages (in the traditional sense) only stay valid for two years. At that point, there is a decision to be made. Either stay or go. I like this idea. It has designed into it, things such as alimony, property issues, custody issues. It would have been nice to have decided not to marry my ex-husband again. I would miss my second child however.
    I would have re-uped in my marriage for several years if it went by the two year rule. Things worked that way for some time. I mean, it wasn't earth moving..but at the time, I don't think I really knew the difference. It wasn't until I was forced to look outside my marriage that I realized that little nugget.

  4. #14
    And That's All She Wrote katydid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alex1 View Post
    Katy you talk good...interesting and penetrating....thank you.....But the proverbial but....I know that there are monogamous people.....
    I do as well. There are always exceptions to every rule. But look at the divorce and adultery rates. They point to the fact that most people cannot remain "faithful" during the entire course of a single, long marriage.

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    Succubus Wiggily Tulip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katydid View Post


    I do as well. There are always exceptions to every rule. But look at the divorce and adultery rates. They point to the fact that most people cannot remain "faithful" during the entire course of a single, long marriage.
    And even the studies on infidelity.
    I always think "Well those are the once that ADMIT to it". LOL.

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    And That's All She Wrote katydid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wiggily Tulip View Post
    And even the studies on infidelity.
    I always think "Well those are the once that ADMIT to it". LOL.
    I agree. Divorce rates are easily determined with accuracy. I would argue though that in this economy with the cost of divorce, there are many couples who are "divorced" from each other in every sense except the decree.

    Infidelity rates are obtained from the same people, who at 10 years into their marriage are still having sex 3 or more times a week.

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    Flirting Devil alex1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katydid View Post


    I do as well. There are always exceptions to every rule. But look at the divorce and adultery rates. They point to the fact that most people cannot remain "faithful" during the entire course of a single, long marriage.
    I wish it were as simple as we are making it to be...yes your right ...present day statistics do show that there are 50 percent of married people who should have not married.....Do you think that that the break down of the family, I should have everything attitude, the government owes me a living, it is my satisfaction and no one else, immediate pleasure, that's not my job attitude, poor educational system....... may have something to do with the lack of love for another person to last a marriage thru life.
    THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR CONFIDENCE


  8. #18
    Succubus Wiggily Tulip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katydid View Post


    I agree. Divorce rates are easily determined with accuracy. I would argue though that in this economy with the cost of divorce, there are many couples who are "divorced" from each other in every sense except the decree.

    Infidelity rates are obtained from the same people, who at 10 years into their marriage are still having sex 3 or more times a week.
    That's what I'm saying. And those people are exploring outside of their marriage and they are getting some.

    Maybe we aren't built for this over the long haul. At least not sexual monogamy. Maybe emotional? I don't know.

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    And That's All She Wrote katydid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alex1 View Post


    I wish it were as simple as we are making it to be...yes your right ...present day statistics do show that there are 50 percent of married people who should have not married.....Do you think that that the break down of the family, I should have everything attitude, the government owes me a living, it is my satisfaction and no one else, immediate pleasure, that's not my job attitude, poor educational system....... may have something to do with the lack of love for another person to last a marriage thru life.
    I disagree. I am certain that in most places where there is more than one person, without politics, there is the ability to love. I don't think politics have anything to do with it. (I'm guessing...Republican?)

    And, I disagree that there is necessarily love in a long term relationship and that love alone is sufficient to keep two people together. Some people do honor their contract of marriage "til death do us part". But, what do you do when the person you DO feel love for is not your spouse?

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    Succubus Wiggily Tulip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katydid View Post

    And, I disagree that there is necessarily love in a long term relationship and that love alone is sufficient to keep two people together. Some people do honor their contract of marriage "til death do us part". But, what do you do when the person you DO feel love for is not your spouse?
    I don't think I could stay then. If I didn't love my husband anymore. Not for all that (I feel) is required out of a marriage. I do think that the love you have for your spouse can change over time tho. And maybe you aren't "in love" anymore but that love changes to something a little more familial.
    (I know...I pulled THAT thread today too.) LOL.

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